Life in Quarantine: Personal Feelings and Relationships

It is currently day 131 of quarantine. Tbh when I googled “Days Calculator” I expected 400 something days. Then I realized that 1 year equals 365 days. Heh. The past 131 days do feel like 4 times longer. Odd times, don’t you think?

 

A couple of days ago, an idea sprung to mind. I asked some of my friends a series of questions about the quarantine, focusing on personal feelings and relationships. I might -caps lock on the word MIGHT- make this into a series of quarantine posts, maybe the next one we’ll talk about the future or economy or something else. We’ll see. We’ll see. Anyhow, I curated their answers and I present this to you all. I sincerely hope reading these frank answers will shed light on some of your own feelings and struggles, as they did with me. 

 

"How are you feeling during the first few weeks of quarantine on a scale of 1-10?”

 

8, soalnya aku introvert dan ga gitu suka pergi-pergi jadi it's okay malah seneng bisa pulang kampung :D

 

10, seneng banget cuma di rumah

 

8, masih bisa sosialisasi awal-awal quarantine

 

10, cos no school and ate healthier

 

9! Seneng bisa di rumah terus

 

3, merasa hampa dan terkurung di rumah sendiri, but now I get used to it

 

8-9, enjoyed the first few weeks a lil bit too much soalnya berasa libur

 

The answers are mostly in 10s. I guess we were all kinda relieved for having a little break. Little did we know that little break would last for months on end. The feeling of 10 lasted for about 3 days for me. The first day my mom said I couldn’t meet my boyfriend I literally lost it. Like it finally dawned on me on how serious this situation is and how uncertain it is. (We met eventually, dun worry. I'm an expert negotiator. And yes, we are both safe and very cautious. Take-outs only, no mask never!) 

“How are you doing right now? Also on a scale of 1-10?"

 

5, bosen tapi udah mulai adaptasi

 

3, bosen udah ga tau mau ngapain

 

4, I feel so bad :(

 

7, fine but very unproductive

 

8! Aku emang mageran jadi suka di rumah terus, lebih banyak me time

 

5! Antara bosen di rumah tapi juga ga tau mau ke mana karena kondisi ga mendukung

 

I’m doing fine! I’m at 7 maybe? Mulai terbiasa tapi kadang masih butuh refreshing

 

8, it’s good but sometimes it’s boring. Keep thinking if this is the end of the world.

 

The answers are mostly 5-7 at this point. They have adjusted, although some better than others. Boredom is one of the big factors now, people think they're running out of things to do. I'm glad that I see my friends have found new hobbies and substitutes for their old routines. As for me, I'm in a good place now. I don't know about tomorrow but today I'm content. It's a day-to-day survival mode at this point. It used to be hour-to-hour. Don't ask. 

 

“What do you miss most?”

 

Hanging out with friends, especially without masks – most answers

Going out without the thought of "COVID could be anywhere spray 103779x!"

 

Traveling

 

Ke kampus :(

My freedom

 

Traveling :( karena gara-gara corona ga jadi pergi huhuhu kalo nge-mall ga sampe kangen yang gimana karena emang ga hobi nongki

 

The normal world, school, hanging out without fear and insecurity

 

12 out of 21 responses said the same thing, hanging out with friends. To be frank with you, I never really miss my friends all that much. On a scale of 1-10 (oh boy we do love numbers and scales), I would say about...6? I miss the familiarity. I miss the routines. I miss experiencing stuff with them. But I don’t crave in-person interaction with them. Talking through DMs and chats have been sufficient and oddly calming. I don’t have to look them in the eye when I tell a bad joke, LOL. I can just cringe in silence and pretend nothing happened :) 

 

Oohhh and can we appreciate how many other leisure activities we are doing besides going to hip cafes, watching cinema at XXI, and wandering aimlessly at malls?? Not that I don't miss them, I loveeee going to cafes and sniff the smell of coffee and not order it. I just think there are other interesting and more engaging activities that we could do besides the ‘normal’ ones. Like cycling, baking, cooking, reading, or, hell, even opening a small business could be your new hobby! 

 

About the anxiety of going out, I get it. I’ve been there. I was that person who overthinks every movement and calculating if that can of spam has THE virus (I avoid the C-word cos it gives me anxiety) on it. Now, not so much. You wanna know how I do it? I just touch everything I need to touch and wash my hands afterward. I mean, you gotta stop with the obsessive disinfectant spraying and alcohol rubbing. I’m not a medical student or anything but I’m pretty sure those aren’t great for our health. Clean everything in your personal space, but outside, we can’t do much (unless, you wanna wear a hazmat suit, which our medical workers need more than us, everywhere). Just do it and wash your hands. And NEVER touch your face. 

 

“What do you like most about quarantine?”

 

Family time of course! – most answers 

 

More me-time – most answers

 

Makes me appreciate things more (hanging out with friends, family time)

 

Circle yang sehat ga toxic lol – curcol apa nyindir apa piye mas

 

Semua jadi lebih efisisen dan bisa on time karena ga ada alasan macet, dll

 

Having the time to enjoy and understand yourself better karena banyak me time. OH and get to spend literally every second with my dog!

 

Lebih bisa productive dan rajin sih, bisa kadang pengen bikin kue, foto-foto ga jelas, setrika baju! Bisa lebih banyak bantu mama bersih-bersih rumah juga karena entah kenapa jadi lebih rajin

Bisa belajar hal baru dan mulai mikir masa depan karena bantu kerja

 

Better sleep (duration and more flexible on when to sleep), more family time, and me-time are the things we get to enjoy more during this time based on my lil quiz. Tbh I used to be super strict about my sleeping schedule but now I can’t seem to sleep as easily as I did. Now I feel hella accomplished if I manage to go to bed before midnight! 

 

On more me time, that’s definitely something that we are forced to have, whether we want it or not. I’ve always been someone who enjoys being alone so it’s not a shock to me. What surprised me more is that I didn’t know myself all that well. I seriously thought I have mastered the art of self-love, self-acceptance, self-care, yadda yadda yadda. Apparently not. Hopefully I have to courage to speak (write) about this more in the future, but what I can say now is how you talk to yourself is important. I didn’t realize I was scolding myself 24/7 and yet I talk to lift people up. Ok we just got real serious there lol. 

 

“What have you learned about yourself during the quarantine?”

 

IM A LAZY ASS BITCH – so me.

 

So much free time but I'm still lazy

 

Ga bisa nganggur, stress di rumah aja tanpa ada kerjaan

 

How time flies so fast, and I still do nothing. – lol, my favorite one

 

Libur tidak seenak yang dikira

 

Aku kira aku udah bisa kontrol emosi ternyata belum

 

Lebih pintar masak, working, self-healing

 

You have to upgrade yourself, like a lot. 

 

Kuat workout everydayy

 

Patience and caring about others

 

That I can survive not meeting anyone and no physical contact for a while, love language touch and quality time

That I'm a failure

 

That I'll always need someone to accompany me! Walaupun aku introvert tapi ternyata aku ga bisa sendirian. Mau seneng sedih kesel apapun aku pasti butuh temen cerita! Jadi sedih juga sekarang ga bisa ketemu temen :(

 

I missed so much of my life because I just let it went by for nothing, definitely took it for granted.

 

That I can’t be home all day dan selama ini kurang appreciate yang udah ada dalam hidup

 

Lemme sum it all up for you. There are the productive bright-minded people who turned this quarantine into a glow-up period, and there is also the rest of us who remained or turned into a complete total sloth. Fortunately, I am the latter. I hear you. I have no idea why but getting shit done has been really really really hard lately. I have all these plans that crashed because of the worldwide pandemic and then I made some other plans. Yea this girl loves to plan. It all went so smoothly in my head, I swear. 

 

Besides my sloth-ness, I also discover something. That it is okay to be not productive (kudos to you ;) for telling me this!). That it is okay to put aside your work and really listen to what you are feeling. There is a raging virus out there aiming for all of us and it is okay for you to breathe a little bit and maybe cry and watch some Netflix. I’m not saying to abandon all responsibilities (tho I am tempted to do so) and bury yourself in TikToks, let’s just find a new balance. Maybe you used to do 80% work and 20% play, you can adjust it to 70-30 or less, up to you. I do 50-50 to keep me sane :D ok maybe 30-70 most days...

 

Oh! I forgot the most important thing. Those answers prove that I’m not the only sloth and I hope you feel a lil better too ;)

A recent find on Netflix. All fun and exciting until I googled too much. Heh.

“Do you grow closer to your family?”

 

Yeaaaaaassshhh

 

Yes, tapi dari dulu sudah deket cuma jadi lebih banyak time together

 

Yes, of course

 

Yes, but more fights – don’t we all

 

Surprisingly yes

 

Sama aja

Yes cause I meet my mum every day from day to night, kalo kuliah jarang bisa ketemu

 

*Some no cos away from home

 

Hate to break it to you but I’m one of those lucky chicks who is considered close to my family. Plus we just got back from a holiday about 6 weeks before the quarantine starts so the bond had just been renewed, lol. So I would say nothing much has changed, except for the realization that I would never be able to work together with my sister as a business partner, just in case in some distant future she wants to. Which is highly unlikely :)

 

Also, since I know some family struggles and feuds that my friends are having, I’m glad to see that they answered yes on this matter. How do they do that I wonder? I’m genuinely asking. Do they have a conversation every night or do they play board games? Oohh do they play one of those card games where you ask personal questions and stuff? That’d be scary to play... I’m asking cos even my mom notices that we don’t grow any closer or apart, lol. I need my solitude, duh. 

 

“What do you regret not doing before the quarantine?”

 

Jalan-jalan & ngafe sama temen karena terlalu mager

 

Hemat uang 

 

Lebih menghargai waktu kumpul-kumpul sama temen, cos we tend to ga bisa lepas dari hp

 

Doing outdoor activities, like swimming

 

Not having so much fun with my friends – most answers

 

Bakso Pak Min. – PARKIRAN MOTOR PLAZA GRAHA SEBELAH SMA KR PETRA 1 SETELAH VAKSIN METU SILAHKAN DISERBUU BAKSO KEJUUU eh bungkus ya bisa sih pake masker yo dateng sebelom jam makan siang kantor

 

Thinking about upgrading myself

 

Not traveling more while I could and chose study instead

 

DWP. – ikut dong

 

Live my life to the fullest

 

Ga regret apa-apa sih, life must go on

 

If you ask me, I wish I was more present. Take more time off from my phone. You see, I have this love-hate relationship with it. I know that I’m glued to it and easily lost in the social media world that I forget to breathe in the now. I tried limiting time on my phone, even used a passcode for it, but it didn’t work. I honestly have no idea either why I spent so much time with it. I can’t even remember what I was scrolling through! Are you dealing with the same problem? 

 

One of my favorite pastimes was to sit in Common Grounds Cafe in Pakuwon Mall and sip a cup of warm matcha latte. The cafe is now permanently closed (if it weren’t I wouldn’t say it here, lol) and I am still reeling why I didn’t come here more often. Usually, I come there on weekdays for lunch to avoid the crowd while working on my assignments. I rarely get any weird looks–that you get when you hang out alone–cos the other tables are usually moms busy with their toddlers. Ah, what a bliss. 

Ya see what I'm talkin aboutt?

“How is your social life? Is it still the same as before? Do you reconnect with old friends? Do you regularly check on your friends? Or do you withdraw from them?”

 

Tetap ajaa – most answers

 

Like shit. Via Instagram and Line. I need my social life back ASAP. 

 

Quarantine makes me realize I don’t have that many friends lol but withdraw from some – this is not me but this is me

 

Beberapa temen lama reconnect

 

HAHAHAHA actually cos aku ansos (anti sosial) banget jadi tergantung siapa temennya, ada yang tetep ngobrol ada juga yang ga pernah blas (sama sekali)

 

Lose em all

 

Definitely not withdraw!

 

Ada yang tetap ada yang withdraw – most answers

Still the same

 

Reconnected with my old friends karena sepedaan but sisanya sama aja

 

I guess keeping in touch with people is much easier now than 30 years ago. I’d say we’re pretty damn lucky to not need postage stamps. With so much exposure to our friends’ lives, I doubt we would need a school reunion in the future. On the flip side, I am pleasantly surprised that some withdraw from their friends. Guess I’m not the only one. It’s been...it’s like a yo-yo. Some days I want to catch up with my friends, some days I feel like curling into a ball and dwell myself in Netflix or books. Some days I’m up for an intense conversation, some days I don’t wanna talk at all. To be frank with you, I asked this last question to get some kind of validation that I’m not selfish to withdraw. So to the small percentage of people that are still talking to me, it is not personal if I take too long to reply to your texts :) and thanks for putting up with me! 

BTW, I'm concerned. Does any of you has lost any kind of social interaction capabilities? Cos I undoubtedly have. Well, I suppose we still have time to practice before everything gets back to normal. 

Always a pleasure to write here. Till next time!

Xoxo, K.

 

P.S Some answers are rephrased to improve clarity. 

 

P.P.S If you see any grammatical errors, it's intentional. I use Grammarly (oops) so it won't happen unless I let it ;) well, unless, Grammarly is not 100% reliable... You know what. I'm overthinking it. I don't care. As long as you understand me we're good right?? 

 

P.P.P.S wow you got to the veryyy end of this post. Okay. An open invitation to DM me and discuss anything. Even if you haven’t talked to me in years or never talked to me at all. I don’t speak Chinese tho.